Today, I’m sick of writing them. 'Blogs and Daily Doses'. But tomorrow, I’ll probably feel like writing a hundred of them. I’m getting tired of putting my thoughts down on paper, but then again, it’s an honor to be able to write my thoughts out on behalf of my Savior.
Today, I’d rather avoid most of my peers, but moments from now, I’ll probably be ministering to whoever comes near. I’m so fragile and unstable, yet on the flip side of my heart, I’m quite steady and able. I’m annoyed. I’m content. I’m silent, yet I want to vent. I’m at peace. I’m at chaos. I’m leaning on the Lord and then moments later I’m falling by way of the world.
Today I’d readily walk away. But tomorrow I’ll want to pick up my cross and lead others in the Way. Right now, I’m just not beat anymore. Not for anyone or anything. Yet right now, after writing those words, I’m upbeat and I want more. I'd help anyone with anything. I want to reach out and serve others, all alike. But suddenly I don’t care for outreach nor for the service of others.
I’m fragile. Unstable. I’m double minded. I need my balance. My equilibrium. I need to be reminded. Who am I. Whose am I. I am His and He is my refuge and stability. My balance and my tranquility. Now, right now, I’m content. And I’m learning more and more about my weaknesses, that I may embrace them so that Jesus can use them.
“And He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (II Corinthians 12: 9-10).
The civil war of the mind, “Oh Lord please help this heart of mine.”