March 12th

Many people will agree that there isn’t a more confused, bi-polar month, than the month of March.  The familiar saying goes, “March  comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.”  For me, the month will always conjure up a pent-up series of emotions that I will live with forever.

It’s hard to believe it’s been 9 years, since one isolated decision caused two worlds to implode. Two families caught off guard by tragic news of loss. My recklessness came with a priceless cost. I can’t pay it back. I can’t take it back. I can’t wake up and be back…back where I could make a totally different choice. Back where I can choose not to drink and drive.  Those thoughts are delusional, because going backwards is impossible.

Isolated decisions, which take nothing else into consideration except selfishness, always leads to isolation. Isolated emotions. Isolated by pain. Isolated into problems. Or physically isolated by a prison or a program. And selfish decisions in life never just affect you. They affect everyone directly or indirectly attached to you. They even infect your reputation and other people’s expectations of you.

It’s been 9 years since that isolated decision made me an intern to humiliation. My skin still crawls when I think about what I caused, but my spirit remains strong because there is no effect without a cause.

I’ve made countless decisions since that dreadful night of March 7, 2009, and they too have impacted countless individuals.  But they are not isolated decisions anymore that only consider self. They are regulated decisions that consider life over self. 

My gauge: How can I infuse life?  How can I inspire hope? How can I stand up and influence others toward a moral good?  Regardless of circumstances. Regardless of popularity. Regardless of what I’ve done. How can I live in such a way so as to point to God's only begotten Son? 

I’m learning more and more that the true measure of a man or woman is not found in what they do-- or even what they’ve done. The true measure is determined by how they respond to trials in spite of what they do or what’s been done. Faith can only be navigated through testing. And hate it or love it, God allows it….because He loves us and He is unwilling to leave us in the same condition He found us.

My heart and prayers remain with the Kap family.  "Thank you for your forgiveness and support."


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